𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖘𝖎𝖓𝖌 𝖕𝖆𝖛𝖊𝖒𝖊𝖓𝖙

Today is just one day before THE DAY. I will not care about my grammar and my punctuation as i would like to rant out what im feeling today.

OKAY here goes. i have been acting weird lately preperiod i really can't tell why but just few days or so before my period hits i have this anger or frustration where i dont know where it comes from. or sudden emotions like sadness or crying. sometimes im scared that me being "alone" or sad is back. and i hate for that day to come. now i have an assignment due okay it was LONG DUE before last weekend. i had a valid excuse as i was not well and my lecturer allowed me to submit by monday. but little did i know firstly for this week i'm short of one off but its reasonable for me as i have 2 PH to use this week and rest my body but my body did not keep up with me and got sick. NOW the thing is that saturday i planned to settle my assignments clean up my room and etc.. My sister invited me to spend time with our friends as i missed it out the last week due to work so i was like fine alright. but i didnt really expect them to watch 3 movies straight back to back i thought she meant it as a joke. anyways so we spend time and all anyways since it was one of our friends brithday i just brushed it off. when i reached home it was already passed midnight i tried to start on my report but my brain was pan fried and i had like a headached after the 2nd movie. So i decided to just rest and do the next day but. 

WHAT HAPPENDED ON SUNDAY?? the walk in at work was hectic it was like appointment done and then walk-ins after walk-in back to back it was almost like watching the tv i didnt even got to eat a proper meal. i has to drag myself in the morning, i was soooo sleepy since i slept late because of you know what.... so i decided to take grab over to work. i came in early and the morning nurse came the same timing as me i got breakfast and so did she and i was at the receptionist so i prepare the messages to be sent out later on once we open. as we were not allowed to "message" them before our operating hours. ok so now the other recp came in on time and all we were ready to start the day. now the thing was in the morning the walk-ins were quite controlled and as i were sending the appointment reminder i settled the online order next. now the thing is this was post PH and you know the people love to bring their pets after PH DURHHH the horde. as soon as the appointment and walk in were done we were not yet done with our emails and whatsapp messaged also my online orders . so i decided to break first and then followed by my fellow recep. i quickly have a bite and then rested FOR AWHILE helped the nurses with their task too as we were shorthanded and then went back out there MIND YOU IN THE MORNING I WAS HELPING OUT THE NURSES AT THE BACK TOO OKAY. 

Now then comes the later half of the worse horde dont know where all this walk-in appearing from after 4pm close to 5pm. worse part is they literally walk in not call in not messaged. never bother to ask if long then later want complain waiting time long EVEN THOUGH WE advise on the waiting time upon arrival lol. we were so busy i didnt notice time passed it was 5:55pm. hello we were suppose to be preparing to bring in the laundry and chairs by this timing but no not even the hospi case and the 2 walk in that was seen done and 1 walk in not yet been seen. OMG im like shit what time we gonna end lol

HAHAHHA then since my fellow recep has no key i had to be the one to stay back guess what time did i stayed till 7:45 ish ON A FUCJING SUNDAY!. wow just wow and to topped it off in the middle of the night i had fever and my stomach was hurting like a black hole in my stomach and also ahving stomach issue i ass was down at the toilet seat for almost 15-20 mins i took mc on that day it self 

AND NOW COMES THE CHASING PAVEMENT dude. ok now my "gaming" chair came in over the weekend but because it was so hectic i didnt manage to actually settle it. anywasy now when i asked you to help me i wanted you to fix the chair together i do not want any other man to help me but you and me to fix it. you took toooo long to decide so i just went and started doing on my own my relative offered help but i declined. NOW MIND YOU REMEMBER ABOUT MY ASSIGNMENT I HAVENT SUBMITTED. so now at night im rushing down my submission and then this fella after fixing the chair stayed while waiting for me to finish my assignment said hey im gonna go home because my sis alone. sir sir sir sir SIR what happen to those time where you mentioned should be more independent and etc and how need to learn things to do alone. basically im angry at how  I WAS ALONE AT A YOUNG AGE AND I MANAGE WELL. and pls dont say because they got special need or what. i saw this ad that reminded me if you tell a person they cant do it because they are not mentally well or mentally stable but have you ever thought maybe JUST MAYBE they are actually capable of doing things on their own. its because people are protective of them and then say they cant do this cause they not "smart" enough and all. BRO b.r.o. EVERYONE everyone needs to learn hard way and learn how to stand on their own feet. AND IF YOU TELL ME THAT YOU CANT COME I WOULDNT AHVE CALLED you said i any thing you nvr bother to mentioned that you ahve to be at home. stupid or what. wow im just damn pissed. makes me rethinkn my sacrifices for you 

Now you made me feel like like im the most stupidest person. giving your all to someone that cant promise you if they can give you 100% of their effort the same that you put in. it really makes me questioning more if i even want to have a future with you. i convince myself so many times that itll take time our path is not hard but we choose to stick to it and go though. but how many more times do i have to convince myself that my effort wont be wasted. that one day itll be your turn, one day things will be better. like what i always like to say its not always about raining and dark days one day after the storm has ended the sun will shine and you will see the rainbow. but till when will the storm stop? when will i be at ease. now i just want to rant it out and let the emotions out of me rather than bottling things up. so even if you were to ever read it please dont take things to hard as this is literal raw feeling and im not in the right state of mind in making a decicison thats why i asked not to talk and not to look for me. just space for some time to cool thign off between us. 

p.s. i always love you but i cant promise to love you forever unless i see the end. till next time.