/əʊ𝓋əˈθɪŋ𝓀/
𝐿𝑒𝒶𝓇𝓃 𝓉𝑜 𝓅𝓇𝑜𝓃𝑜𝓊𝓃𝒸𝑒
𝓋𝑒𝓇𝒷
𝑔𝑒𝓇𝓊𝓃𝒹 𝑜𝓇 𝓅𝓇𝑒𝓈𝑒𝓃𝓉 𝓅𝒶𝓇𝓉𝒾𝒸𝒾𝓅𝓁𝑒: 𝑜𝓋𝑒𝓇𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝓀𝒾𝓃𝑔
𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝓀 𝒶𝒷𝑜𝓊𝓉 (𝓈𝑜𝓂𝑒𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔) 𝓉𝑜𝑜 𝓂𝓊𝒸𝒽 𝑜𝓇 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝓉𝑜𝑜 𝓁𝑜𝓃𝑔.
"𝐼 𝓉𝑒𝓃𝒹 𝓉𝑜 𝑜𝓋𝑒𝓇𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝓀 𝓈𝒾𝓉𝓊𝒶𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃𝓈 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓅𝓇𝑜𝒷𝓁𝑒𝓂𝓈 𝒾𝓃 𝓂𝓎 𝓁𝒾𝒻𝑒"
Well I have no idea why I have the urge to cry my feelings out and i just feel not right with my sleeping pattern in a way that I sleep in the morning till afternoon then I'll stay up like mostly the whole night. Now here I am feeling uncomfortable and a bit pissed with Amelia, just now when we were on the video call she out of the sudden end the call or maybe I just didn't hear her saying anything about her putting the phone down. But, when I called she declined my call so I thought she was praying for religious purposes. All was in the opposite she was just playing games, sometimes it strikes me in a way that sometimes I wanna ask help from her cause she's the person I'm most open and trusted. Whenever she say she is playing games it breaks my heart that I can't turn to her I don't want to turn to a lot of people. I know that I can't have her always getting my back, I feel lost that I can't get this negativity out of my system so here I am ranting. I feel so empty. Maybe I worry that she was really mad at me when I decline her request for some cash for her cigarettes. I just don't know. I wish I don't have to feel this emptiness anymore, I am happy at times but sometimes I have this thin layer of sadness around my happiness. which makes me question myself if I'm really happy genuinely or not. Maybe this is something I have to handle myself but people say that i shouldn't bottle if i shouldn't bottle then how do i maintain not bottling up my feeling or thoughts if i feel i can't turn to anyone. it just sad. maybe i should just sleep it off, then i'll be like running away from my problems i am facing through. With that the sun is starting to rise as the colors change maybe my darkness will fade again and comes again and maybe next time i'll be stronger. SHOULD I CALL AMELIA????? gosh maybe one time... so i called. video call luckily she answered, she explain why she was cranky when she picked up the phone ( the call after she decline ) and she said her game was lagging and she apologized about yelling or raising her voice on me just now. WHILE ALL THAT WAS HAPPENING I WAS CRYING IDK WHY maybe i was just felt loved and happy and sad all in once
well i hear the birds chirping outside my room i should try to get some shut eyes well probably gonna snack WAIT hmm thinking twice i shouldn't i just weigh myself and i weigh.. wait i forgot maybe i'll go weigh myself quickily give me a minute * runs outside the living room and weigh myself* drum roll BRRRR i weigh ... 80.7kg wow okok till next time
xoxo, ellecinoda
Love from your past
