𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖘𝖎𝖓𝖌 𝖕𝖆𝖛𝖊𝖒𝖊𝖓𝖙

Today is just one day before THE DAY. I will not care about my grammar and my punctuation as i would like to rant out what im feeling today.

OKAY here goes. i have been acting weird lately preperiod i really can't tell why but just few days or so before my period hits i have this anger or frustration where i dont know where it comes from. or sudden emotions like sadness or crying. sometimes im scared that me being "alone" or sad is back. and i hate for that day to come. now i have an assignment due okay it was LONG DUE before last weekend. i had a valid excuse as i was not well and my lecturer allowed me to submit by monday. but little did i know firstly for this week i'm short of one off but its reasonable for me as i have 2 PH to use this week and rest my body but my body did not keep up with me and got sick. NOW the thing is that saturday i planned to settle my assignments clean up my room and etc.. My sister invited me to spend time with our friends as i missed it out the last week due to work so i was like fine alright. but i didnt really expect them to watch 3 movies straight back to back i thought she meant it as a joke. anyways so we spend time and all anyways since it was one of our friends brithday i just brushed it off. when i reached home it was already passed midnight i tried to start on my report but my brain was pan fried and i had like a headached after the 2nd movie. So i decided to just rest and do the next day but. 

WHAT HAPPENDED ON SUNDAY?? the walk in at work was hectic it was like appointment done and then walk-ins after walk-in back to back it was almost like watching the tv i didnt even got to eat a proper meal. i has to drag myself in the morning, i was soooo sleepy since i slept late because of you know what.... so i decided to take grab over to work. i came in early and the morning nurse came the same timing as me i got breakfast and so did she and i was at the receptionist so i prepare the messages to be sent out later on once we open. as we were not allowed to "message" them before our operating hours. ok so now the other recp came in on time and all we were ready to start the day. now the thing was in the morning the walk-ins were quite controlled and as i were sending the appointment reminder i settled the online order next. now the thing is this was post PH and you know the people love to bring their pets after PH DURHHH the horde. as soon as the appointment and walk in were done we were not yet done with our emails and whatsapp messaged also my online orders . so i decided to break first and then followed by my fellow recep. i quickly have a bite and then rested FOR AWHILE helped the nurses with their task too as we were shorthanded and then went back out there MIND YOU IN THE MORNING I WAS HELPING OUT THE NURSES AT THE BACK TOO OKAY. 

Now then comes the later half of the worse horde dont know where all this walk-in appearing from after 4pm close to 5pm. worse part is they literally walk in not call in not messaged. never bother to ask if long then later want complain waiting time long EVEN THOUGH WE advise on the waiting time upon arrival lol. we were so busy i didnt notice time passed it was 5:55pm. hello we were suppose to be preparing to bring in the laundry and chairs by this timing but no not even the hospi case and the 2 walk in that was seen done and 1 walk in not yet been seen. OMG im like shit what time we gonna end lol

HAHAHHA then since my fellow recep has no key i had to be the one to stay back guess what time did i stayed till 7:45 ish ON A FUCJING SUNDAY!. wow just wow and to topped it off in the middle of the night i had fever and my stomach was hurting like a black hole in my stomach and also ahving stomach issue i ass was down at the toilet seat for almost 15-20 mins i took mc on that day it self 

AND NOW COMES THE CHASING PAVEMENT dude. ok now my "gaming" chair came in over the weekend but because it was so hectic i didnt manage to actually settle it. anywasy now when i asked you to help me i wanted you to fix the chair together i do not want any other man to help me but you and me to fix it. you took toooo long to decide so i just went and started doing on my own my relative offered help but i declined. NOW MIND YOU REMEMBER ABOUT MY ASSIGNMENT I HAVENT SUBMITTED. so now at night im rushing down my submission and then this fella after fixing the chair stayed while waiting for me to finish my assignment said hey im gonna go home because my sis alone. sir sir sir sir SIR what happen to those time where you mentioned should be more independent and etc and how need to learn things to do alone. basically im angry at how  I WAS ALONE AT A YOUNG AGE AND I MANAGE WELL. and pls dont say because they got special need or what. i saw this ad that reminded me if you tell a person they cant do it because they are not mentally well or mentally stable but have you ever thought maybe JUST MAYBE they are actually capable of doing things on their own. its because people are protective of them and then say they cant do this cause they not "smart" enough and all. BRO b.r.o. EVERYONE everyone needs to learn hard way and learn how to stand on their own feet. AND IF YOU TELL ME THAT YOU CANT COME I WOULDNT AHVE CALLED you said i any thing you nvr bother to mentioned that you ahve to be at home. stupid or what. wow im just damn pissed. makes me rethinkn my sacrifices for you 

Now you made me feel like like im the most stupidest person. giving your all to someone that cant promise you if they can give you 100% of their effort the same that you put in. it really makes me questioning more if i even want to have a future with you. i convince myself so many times that itll take time our path is not hard but we choose to stick to it and go though. but how many more times do i have to convince myself that my effort wont be wasted. that one day itll be your turn, one day things will be better. like what i always like to say its not always about raining and dark days one day after the storm has ended the sun will shine and you will see the rainbow. but till when will the storm stop? when will i be at ease. now i just want to rant it out and let the emotions out of me rather than bottling things up. so even if you were to ever read it please dont take things to hard as this is literal raw feeling and im not in the right state of mind in making a decicison thats why i asked not to talk and not to look for me. just space for some time to cool thign off between us. 

p.s. i always love you but i cant promise to love you forever unless i see the end. till next time.

𝕭𝖗𝖔𝖐𝖊𝖓

 RAGE RANT

I want to kill MARY JANE (metaphorically). PETER PARKER is sick and not feeling well, I understand that you are tired from your job and all. But seriously, would you rather spoil the hard-earned gifts that Peter gives you?. Are you stupid or just STUPID? On a serious topic F. U. C. K.  Y. O. U. like in all life prospects. Let me just rage out on you on how you take care of Mary. When she is sick all you do is play your stupid games Peter. BUT, But when you're sick who takes care of you? MARY FUCKING JANE. hello, red flag. please what happened to your useless vows. sure to be honest even Mary said she would not become like our mother but boom boom she is. LOL. I guess some things are just unavoidable when blood runs thicker than water. like FATHER like SON. 

Okay now, I would say breaking materialistic things is better than beating up a person. Actually, if I'm angry as I always have done I would just harm myself? Why the other party is just hurt emotionally. But then that's a different thing since I'm not included in the fight. So even though you chose to break THE thing. you actually hurt Mary more than hitting her. you could've just hit the wall or just back off at the initial. 

Damn if I knew last year that you had done that I would have just convinced mary to give me instead of your IDIOT ASS dick head. 

ONCE AGAIN PETER PARKER YOU SUCK SO BAD I hope you learn your lesson. That was very childish of you. 

P.S.

I will have to stay near you and mary in the future so that when you kids experience this I would take them to my house or family to not damage them like how you are. 

Stupid Peter broken child. 

𝖘𝖒𝖆𝖑𝖑 𝖗𝖆𝖓𝖙 𝖋𝖔𝖗 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖉𝖆𝖞

𝖘𝖒𝖆𝖑𝖑 𝖗𝖆𝖓𝖙 𝖋𝖔𝖗 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖉𝖆𝖞

 Lets start off with the day my sister and i didn't get enough sleep as to her SUDDEN sleepover with her friends in her previous workplace. So, we had to plan to do something in Lucky plaza and then we ate brunch in some Filipino food store "Kabayan" *which means family or either one of the same race?* correct me if i'm wrong hahaha my bad!! anyways moving on we also went to some ukay ukay where the items are second handed which are being sold at a much low price basically like a thrift shop! then my sisters and i went to penninsula and gotten our nails done !! yeahhhh my nails are so nice so please do look at my other website how my nails look and my review on the shop!!! heheehehehe.

OKAY the rant is COMING NEAR. moving on after we gotten our nails done with another friend of one of my sister. The four of us went to marina mall JUST TO BUT BTS ITEMS hahahahah we went to get the fila BTS collab item and YAY because i got a free poster from my sister's friend hahaha anyways then we went to dhoby ghaut, JUST ASIA it is SUPER WORTH IT  but probably come when the covid-19 has wear off cause everything is made to be have less contact. the thing is that its like a self serve restaurant which makes it worth it!! 

HERE COMES MY COMPLAINT!!!!

BASICALLY there's this promo in skechers where when you buy the second item for the price of a dollar!!! NICE RIGHT???? so i wanted to get this sailor moon shoes and luckily it was under the current $1 promo !! HOWEVER HOWEVER!!! there is strict number to the customers inside. So this staff said the last customer has just came in WHEN HE KNEW I FREAKING RAN FROM THE ESCALATOR TO THE SHOP ITSELF and HE HAVE THE AUDACITY TO SAY IM SORRY MA'AM YOU CAN'T ENTER CAUSE WERE CLOSING like bitch pleaseeeee you guys close at fucking 930pm LET ME REPEAT 2130HOUR I LITERALLY ARRIVED LIKE 2053HOUR i just wanted ti but the fucking shoes like i mean if you're salesperson TIME IS FUCKING MONEY RIGHT??? but you knwo this sales person is fucking different he insist we cannot go in like dude my fucking sister whose birthday is tomorrow just want to go and buy the fucking shoes youqeribfqg1awvbgfrqZCCSB0F IM SO FUCKING ANGRY. like there's no logic to me. yeah i can buy tomorrow but who knows what time will i wake up and if there's still stock for my feet@!!!fehsvbajklj urgh . 

nevermind that . aside from that *oh wait you thought i'm done ranting noooooooo*. i already knew that amelia was cranky cause she hasn't slept *face palm* anyways i was trying to get her attention by like using my finger and waving in front of my screen but URGH nooo she took it as if i was trying to annoy her then she yelled 'WHAT YOU WANT' * ALERT: IN CASE AMELIA SEES THIS POST IMMA JUST SAY THIS... what i quoted is to what i recalled so if it was wrong or different then i'm sorry T_T* so that really just made me pissed off and so i just went to my room then asked her to just play her game and say that i will end the call and straight away i just put down. OKAY HEAR ME OUT THIS IS FINISHING so you know how some people can't get things right away so i didn't want to be hard  to get and add fuel to the fire so i decided to message amelia and told her what i felt so do you guys thing that it was the right thing i could've done or was that just a bitch move?

Anyways for now im trying to cool down and trying to work my body so my body would get tired hahahaha i actually need to sleep soon because its my sister birthday and i got to help her out in setting up the food eat and etc. anyways GOOD  NIGHT MUDAFAKAS!! MUAHKS

via GIPHY

𝖒𝖞 𝖙𝖍𝖔𝖚𝖌𝖍𝖙𝖘 𝖋𝖔𝖗 𝖓𝖔𝖜

SO hello just a quick update i was sick basically i had acute otitis externa it was freakin' painful aside from that the pain started to subside by the 2nd day of treatment. it was great but the pain that i've gone through damn... it felt like months that the pain was there seriously man. i had been crying, vomiting and been taking so much medicine. sigh i'm still under recovering though but on the flip side i'm really feeling better now !! hihihihihihi. i actually feel grateful for amelia because she followed me through the hospital she actually felt bad for leaving me because she had to go back and report to somewhere by tomorrow also she had to wake her sister up. Anyways she did stayed up for me after sending her mom to the hospital then coincidentally i also had to go to A&E in the same hospital she was with her mom. but recently she also never post things about so i kinda sad cause she tweet about memes, games and other stuff. Hmph i just wish you'd give me more attention once you've finished you 2 years of commitment to the country hihihihi i want to be in your arms and be sayang, ofcourse i actually need to grow up, mature in the future!!!! anyways until next time then hahahaha my ears getting itchy and dried up gross but such a satisfaction to scrape it off but i shouldn't meddle with it :( anyways ciao !! I WANT TO EAT NORMAL FOOD!!!!!!

𝖗𝖊𝖈𝖊𝖓𝖙 𝖚𝖕𝖉𝖆𝖙𝖊

So here we are in year 2020 on a new decade hahaha wow I should summarize how it was back then last yeaar hmmm lets goooo!

Staring from 2020 April well I'm journal-ing at the end of the month already ANYWHOOOOO 

we came in into a new decade 2020 with not such a great start first we had the case where Australia has severe fire incident to the point where there's insufficient water and koalas and wild animals has to suffer TAKE NOTE this case was since late of last year and it was still on going. Then we had this virus called CoVid-19 that's the short form of Corona virus, at the start of the year it was only affecting Wuhan, China. Until it reached set of 10,000 and as months passed other countries were greatly affected, then now in the month of April we have almost more than 3 Million cases world wide. So far in Singapore they have implemented this thing called " Circuit Breaker ". It's not really a Lockdown more than something less severe than a lockdown, I mean common Singapore can't have a Lockdown like they don't have any natural resources all of the product are overseas. Well in my opinion , so long as the whole world can quickly track the cases and contain it then probably that's where the corona virus pandemic would slowly end.

Year 2019 : it's been long well good thing I got a boyfriend but at one of my Lowest point of my life during the start i thought I'd be able to go through higher nitec in a course that i want. Unfortunately i wasn't able to get, so i had to continue in chemical process technology in nitec course. aside from that later in the year we had a family vacation in Abu Dhabi, UAE. My parent moved there cause of my dad's job offer and to earn up for my sister and I further studies. Later in the year i found out... my grandmother (lola bebot) has passed away. I could still remember the night before we heard the news. I was working in Universal Studio that day and my sister & her friend planned to go for the halloween horror night. When i was about to meet her my mom called me and i couldn't answered it because i was getting out of my shift. My sister came and we calll back my mom then she asked us to pray for lola as she was rushed to the hospital. On that night i was enjoying myself while me not noticing that one of my loved one was already digging their grave. When we got back home we slept my eldest brother went to my room and i could still picture the horror with him saying " wala na si lola. " which means " grandmother is not here anymore " and it then the guilt sank in deeper as i wasn't able to remember what her last words were to me. Topping it off in short, there were various disasters happening in the world and relationship had once reached it's heartbreak but i wasn't aware of it. it was also my fault i'll leave that rant another time.

𝓸𝓿𝓮𝓻𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓷𝓴𝓲𝓷𝓰

𝓸𝓿𝓮𝓻𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓷𝓴𝓲𝓷𝓰
/əʊ𝓋əˈθɪŋ𝓀/
𝐿𝑒𝒶𝓇𝓃 𝓉𝑜 𝓅𝓇𝑜𝓃𝑜𝓊𝓃𝒸𝑒
𝓋𝑒𝓇𝒷
𝑔𝑒𝓇𝓊𝓃𝒹 𝑜𝓇 𝓅𝓇𝑒𝓈𝑒𝓃𝓉 𝓅𝒶𝓇𝓉𝒾𝒸𝒾𝓅𝓁𝑒: 𝑜𝓋𝑒𝓇𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝓀𝒾𝓃𝑔
𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝓀 𝒶𝒷𝑜𝓊𝓉 (𝓈𝑜𝓂𝑒𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔) 𝓉𝑜𝑜 𝓂𝓊𝒸𝒽 𝑜𝓇 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝓉𝑜𝑜 𝓁𝑜𝓃𝑔.
"𝐼 𝓉𝑒𝓃𝒹 𝓉𝑜 𝑜𝓋𝑒𝓇𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝓀 𝓈𝒾𝓉𝓊𝒶𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃𝓈 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓅𝓇𝑜𝒷𝓁𝑒𝓂𝓈 𝒾𝓃 𝓂𝓎 𝓁𝒾𝒻𝑒"

Well I have no idea why I have the urge to cry my feelings out and i just feel not right with my sleeping pattern in a way that I sleep in the morning till afternoon then I'll stay up like mostly the whole night. Now here I am feeling uncomfortable and a bit pissed with Amelia, just now when we were on the video call she out of the sudden end the call or maybe I just didn't hear her saying anything about her putting the phone down. But, when I called she declined my call so I thought she was praying for religious purposes. All was in the opposite she was just playing games, sometimes it strikes me in a way that sometimes I wanna ask help from her cause she's the person I'm most open and trusted. Whenever she say she is playing games it breaks my heart that I can't turn to her I don't want to turn to a lot of people. I know that I can't have her always getting my back, I feel lost that I can't get this negativity out of my system so here I am ranting. I feel so empty. Maybe I worry that she was really mad at me when I decline her request for some cash for her cigarettes. I just don't know. I wish I don't have to feel this emptiness anymore, I am happy at times but sometimes I have this thin layer of sadness around my happiness. which makes me question myself if I'm really happy genuinely or not. Maybe this is something I have to handle myself but people say that i shouldn't bottle if i shouldn't bottle then how do i maintain not bottling up my feeling or thoughts if i feel i can't turn to anyone. it just sad. maybe i should just sleep it off, then i'll be like running away from my problems i am facing through. With that the sun is starting to rise as the colors change maybe my darkness will fade again and comes again and maybe next time i'll be stronger. SHOULD I CALL AMELIA????? gosh maybe one time... so i called. video call luckily she answered, she explain why she was cranky when she picked up the phone ( the call after she decline ) and she said her game was lagging and she apologized about yelling or raising her voice on me just now. WHILE ALL THAT WAS HAPPENING I WAS CRYING IDK WHY maybe i was just felt loved and happy and sad all in once

well i hear the birds chirping outside my room i should try to get some shut eyes  well probably gonna snack WAIT hmm thinking twice i shouldn't i just weigh myself and i weigh.. wait i forgot maybe i'll go weigh myself quickily give me a minute * runs outside the living room and weigh myself* drum roll BRRRR i weigh ... 80.7kg wow okok till next time

xoxo, ellecinoda
Love from your past

P.S. here's a song for you :3

Coming Back To My social Media

So it has been like 2 years-ish ever since my last entry to date. I would say there have been times where it was just the worst and the greatest time of my life, moving forward I was able to move on with the downside of my journey. Recently I've finished my Cambridge 'O' levels, and there's so much to tell and share about. But mostly I miss blogging or doing a daily journal. Not only did I needed some space alone for reflection but I had to adjust after my parents left to work overseas (well I will leave that for another time ). After all coming back to reality and my social life was kinda tough, but at least now I could happily say I am back on my track.